Contrast Of Life

In Pic: Life-cycle.

It was a cold morning on 4^th of December, 2018. My mom called me and rest of the family for the breakfast. We sat down around the table as usual and had our food. Just as we were finishing up, we heard someone crying nearby. Then, we got to know that one of our elder grandmothers just passed. *According to our Newari culture, direct and close relatives of the deceased would have to go through 13 days of initial rituals and we were closed ones. Distant the relation, lesser days of rituals are to be followed.

In contrast, the house opposite to my grandmother’s, had a wedding coming up. They had their house repainted and decorated with multicolor blinking lights. According to our culture, there are certain rules and rituals that needs to be followed at weddings as well. Firstly, groom, bride and their family sit together, as most of marriages are arranged, to set it up and plan everything. Gwe: Yan: kegu (sending betel nut) is sending official marriage proposal from groom side to the bride’s, which also is equivalent to engagement in western cultures. Then, there would be bya: (actual marriage ceremony) and finally, there’s bhoye: (wedding dinner part). **

On the 12^th of December, we were required to purify everything. From the clothes that we were wearing during the period, to ourselves, the whole house and all bedding and kitchen stuff. Male close relatives are expected to shave their head and cut the nails. Male children are to wear white for a year and avoid color anything.

On the same day, people are getting ready for kaa: wonegu (going for pick-up; the bride) at the groom’s place. People gathered in front of the decorated house to begin the process. The band arrived while the Janti was being provided with food and the band started playing loudly. Then the procession started and music started to fade away.

If we combine the situations on both the houses, everything is completely opposite. Both the family follow almost same culture however it is okay to blast music in front of a house where they have just lost a member? This is a part of me that I question mark about. After about a day or two, both the families will have bhoye: (feast). One will be to remember the deceased member and another one to celebrate a new family member.

Note:

* People from different caste, even within the Newar community, as well might follow similar but different rituals so there may be variations on number of days and other things that are accordingly traditional. However, with modernization, people have changed their culture adapting to their own convenience. And the account that I have recorded above on this post is what I saw with my own community and does not represent all castes in Newar communities.

**Similarly, with weddings, different people have their own culture and tradition that they might follow or change according to their convenience and above account does not represent all of Newari culture even though I have written so.